By Cecelia Campbell Livingston
Paul and Racquel were friends for many years before the idea of taking their friendship to another level came into play. They met at the Church of Christ in Mandeville, where they were both long-standing members.
It was not a case of love at first sight; they liked and respected each other, and as Paul shared with Freedom Come Rain, she knew he liked her as he told her, but they never really considered pursuing a relationship at that point.
So when did this change?
“We really connected through a conversation initiated by her sister while travelling to look at a camp site for our annual youth camp. We had a great time getting to know each other on that camp and then decided it was time to pursue a relationship after that,” he revealed.
As for that ‘special someone,” Paul said that although they were not dating, he always knew he wanted to marry someone like her, as he said she is a “real special kind of woman”.
“She cares a lot about people and loves from a genuine place, which I find very attractive. She has a passion for serving God that is uncompromising. I find these to be qualities that are ingredients for a healthy relationship,” he asserted.
Racquel, sharing her husband’s virtues, said the more she got to know him, the more her love and appreciation for him grew as she observed that he was a man of integrity and honour.
“I was impressed with his faithfulness and dedication to God first, and we have many things in common. We were also both like-minded Christians,” she notes.
The pair got married on May 12, 2007, and during their 16 years of marital bliss, disagreements sometimes popped up, but they were more than prepared for them. As Paul points out, one of the keys to handling conflicts in a marriage is that one person has to remain calm and maintain the peace.
“It is a role that can be alternated between the couple in different situations. If both of us are only focused on having our voices heard, it can lead to explosive arguments, which in turn can destroy the relationship. You have to be willing to listen, exercise humility, and apologise a lot. “Raquel’s calm spirit usually keeps me grounded when we have disagreements,” Paul confessed.
For him, the ‘glue’ that keeps their relationship together is the love and commitment they have for each other. They also made an agreement early on in their relationship that whatever happened, they would work towards a solution. And with a firm resolve never to entertain the word ‘divorce’ and being ardent God-pleasers in their marriage, their bond is rock solid.
“We take Ephesians 5:22–23 very seriously. God is the standard for everything we do in our relationship,” he shared.
While there have been a lot of great moments in their marriage, for Paul, the best part about being married is having someone in his life with whom to share most things.
“I truly can say we really like each other. Many couples are married, but they don’t necessarily like each other. We laugh, talk, and just have a good time with each other, and that is priceless. We are one, yet we validate each other to maintain our individuality,” he proclaimed.
With those sentiments, Paul has no problem fanning the flames in his marriage, having fun, and keeping the romance alive, which he said is an everyday occurrence. He said it is the norm for them to have ‘light moments and enjoy each other’s antics’.
“Life is too short to be so serious all the time, especially with someone you love. Keeping romance alive is a really deliberate action. The longer people are married, the easier it is to fall into the comfort of just doing mundane things. We don’t wait for romance to happen. We make it happen,” he asserts.
While acknowledging that each marriage is different, Paul believes it is important for couples not to compare their relationship with another marriage but rather to value and cherish their spouse.
He admonishes husbands to make time to listen to their wives and ask her about her dreams, hopes, and desires, and wives also have their own mandate, which he said is to understand the value and importance of sexual relations with their husbands. Men talk less than women, and they may need more time to think before answering questions.
“Generally, pray for each other daily and pray together as much as possible. Give each other the benefit of the doubt. Invest in each other and study each other’s needs. Forgive and deal with issues in a timely manner. Guard your relationship from negative external factors or people. It is all about understanding each other’s love language,” were his encouraging words.
After 16 years of celebration, Paul stressed that every day is a new beginning to grow and to get better at doing marriage together. They remain open to accepting new opportunities and challenges as they grow gracefully together.
“One of the things we are working towards is building a strong marriage ministry using our counselling skills. We both have master’s degrees in counselling and psychology and are excited to give back both from our experiences as a married couple and knowledge gained from our studies,” he shares on future plans.
