By Nichole Holness
Today, I’m zeroing in on the topic of parenting and parent-child relationships. Whilst the Bible has many good examples of healthy relationships, I must admit that it is also dotted with many ill-parenting and dysfunctional family structures recorded, too.
We can quickly look at 2 Samuel with Eli the priest and his sons who disregarded his advice and disrespected their father when he rebuked their sinning against God. We jump to Jacob who, ignored his sons’ wickedness when they murdered the men of Shechem. Jacob also showed favoritism to his sons from Rachel (Joseph and Benjamin) over the other members of the family. Undoubtedly, these occurrences are also powerful teaching moments showing clear dos and don’ts in parenting.
Let’s look at Psalm 127:3 NIV
Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from Him. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are children born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame…
Proper upbring of our children is imperative if we are to experience the rewards of bringing forth righteous offspring.
COVER YOUR CHILDREN IN PRAYER
It is never too late to cover your children in prayer. Never. Let me encourage parents today who are disappointed in the current path their children are traveling, don’t give up, The Prodigal Son (maybe you have a daughter) lived a reckless life of partying, drunkard-ness, lying, sexual immorality, idleness, and having evil associates. The father in that parable did not surrender to the devil’s plan for his offspring. He persevered in prayer and anticipated his son’s restorations, and so should we.
Live the life and set the example you want your child to emulate…children do what you do more than what you say.
We must spend quality and quantity time with our children. We may be busy with many career responsibilities; however, proper planning and deliberate effort will afford us time to bond with family. Summer vacation and other school breaks are a good time to schedule your leave from work. God, in His wisdom, orchestrated the first season of bonding: a newborn’s first three months of life, during the griping phase, where we must hold that baby close to us and cuddle, sing, dance, love and foster a priceless parent/child bond. This should continue throughout the family’s life.
In Deuteronomy 6:6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your heart. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road. When you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your forehead. Write them on your doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
This scripture denotes the simple routines in our home that will leave an indelible mark upon our children.
ESTABLISHING FAMILY TRADITIONS
Build a family altar in your home, meet around the Word in the mornings or in the evenings (as convenient), for family devotions. This should be a relaxed atmosphere, allowing all members to lead at times, read the Bible, and expound, based on their understanding. This is essentially what an altar looks like – a place of transaction that is serviced regularly with prayer and fasting, worship, and praise to Almighty God.
Plan family outings, this was a huge hit in my own family. This must be tapered to the specific enjoyment of each family. Doesn’t have to be pricey or exorbitant but must be fun. My children were excited for months and contributed to the planning as they counted down to the event:
- A back yard bonfire with marshmallows, frankfurters, roast corn, and coconut etc. coupled with an interesting, exciting book…. read to the younger children.
- A river cookout, a bake day, pizzas, pies, cakes, or bread evening for the ‘girlie girls’ that prefer the indoors activities.
- A football scrummage tournament – ‘rough and tumble’ for the boys.
- A hike to the falls at Holywell.
- A picnic at one of our national parks, don’t forget the games and puzzles, coloring books, and ball!
The options are limitless. All these moments are great opportunities for teaching and incorporating serious conversations around current issues. Discuss personal struggles at school, share on appropriate behavior and setting boundaries in relationship. Proper eating, healthy habits, hygiene, exercise. Speak on honoring your peers and respecting each other within the permit of the Bible.
Teaching on parenting can be done in different ways; however, deep conversation is paramount at different stages of a child’s development from infancy to toddlerhood, preschool to primary school years, adolescence, young adult and beyond, they need a parent’s guidance and input.
Parents, please do not drop the ball on demonstrating manners and Godly morals to our offspring! Etiquette and other social graces are fading, and we must arise and be that example our children learn from; we are the blackboard that they read and from which they copy!
ALLOW EACH CHILD EQUAL OPPORTUNITY TO SPEAK
Be a keen listener. Allow children to express themselves. Make this a general family rule! Every member MUST BE allowed to complete their thought without disruption. This is a demonstration of respect and honor for each member of the family.
The parents must establish clear rules that each member should understand and must abide by, knowing the consequences of disobedience.
Avoid comparisons. Do not compare one child against the other. Every child is different and has different skillsets, talents, and abilities. Aim to identify each child’s strength and encourage them in that area.
Never show favoritism, this only builds strife in the home, unhealthy competition, and low-self confidence in the victim.
In conclusion, I relate what my dad once did with his three girls. Carrying home, a mango from work one evening for his girls, all wanting the portion with the seed. My dad cut the mango into 3 equal parts – seed and all – so each of us got a piece of the seed to eat.
Proverbs 22:6 ESV Train up a child in the way he should go, even when he is old he will not depart from it.
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Nicole Holness is a pastoral counsellor. Contact her at [email protected]
