Bevon and Simone Matheson came together with a determination to learn from past mistakes and make their ‘covenanted relationship’ work. Entering the relationship as two healed and whole individuals, with God as their ultimate lead, they were determined to make the union work.
Acknowledging that no one really enters a marriage with the intention of having it end up in divorce, especially when children are in the mix, she said it can be a mixed-emotions situation.
With both coming out of failed relationships with children involved, Simone said during the courtship period they both shared openly and gave themselves to the healing process through prayer and Godly counsel.
“It was not long after meeting that we confirmed and were convinced that we were destined to be together,” she shared about their union.
She is now married with a blended family of six, two each from their failed unions. The healing process did not stop with themselves, as Simone shares that God has healed the hearts of all the involved parties, resulting in their sharing a healthy relationship.
She shared the dynamics of the blended family unit, which, although complex, she said has proven to be a blessing for them.
“My husband and I were socialised in different family settings. He grew up with stepsisters and stepmother, while I had no idea what that felt like. It was easier for him to adjust as the stepfather to my boys(as his father of blessed memory ably did), than it was for me to adjust as stepmother to his boys. However, from the early stages, a family bond was knitted through prayer, family time and one on one engagements. Soon enough all boys are ours-legit.
Firstly, counselling was key for us, as was respect and establishing boundaries. Our relationship started as a friendship, and our kids were introduced to every stage of the relationship,” she disclosed.
Stressing the importance of fostering healthy lines of communication in a blended family, Simone said the children, no matter their age, should come to understand that the husband holds the office as head of the household and the wife is his assistant. She also notes that husband and wife, whether they are the biological parents for all, some or none, should support each other in the parent role and present a united team in partnership for the kids to see and accept.
Sharing that their union has not been without its challenges, she said the biggest one was the matter of her losing her independent posture to be interdependent within the union, not dependent.
“For many years, I lived an independent life with no need to be accountable to anyone, especially concerning my finances. All of that had to change when we got married. Today, I can say that this was a change for the better. Initially, I did not understand the relevance and value this would place on the health of our union. Many couples struggle with balancing the books within the union, mainly because of their “my money attitude.” We chose to replace “my” with “our.” The truth is, independence in a covenant marriage will not and cannot work. This is one of the reasons we refer to our union as a covenant marriage. Though a work in progress, we have recorded many stories, struggles, and victories,” she highlighted, pointing out that if there is no team in a covenant marriage, then it is a damaged deal.
Using their lives as examples, Simone said they have been encouraging singles in their circle to “wait right and marry right,” as they believe that within the Christian community, there should be much attention given to singles for their growth, discipline, and development as they prepare to enter their marital destiny.
“If we have singles who understand their worth from an early age, then our marriages would survive more storms and escape divorce. Gone are the days when taking a cold shower was a recommendation. We have learned that it takes more than that. According to Isaiah 40:31, we understand that if you are waiting on the Lord, your strength will be renewed. Your wait will not be a weary one. It is possible for singles to wait rightly (in holiness). Holiness is still required, relevant, and doable. When you don’t wait right (engaging in an immoral lifestyle), it has a negative impact on your choice of marrying right (settling in unequally yoked and even abusive relationships),” she notes.
Hasting to acknowledge that their union is not ‘conflict-free’, she said their formula ensures it doesn’t pose a problem, as she notes that conflict is an indication that their foundation is threatened. However, she shared that they are accountable to the Holy Spirit; and so, even if one is stubborn, the other will be convicted.
“We always end up at the foundation (the premise on which the relationship was built—prayer and the Word of God). Usually, to get there, we would engage in one of our “drill down sessions,” where we are open and brutally honest (no cover-ups or pretence). The Holy Spirit always shows up to help us, and we kiss and make up, getting back to work. Yes, marriage is work,” she commented.
In concluding, Simone’s advice to couples is for them to understand that marriage is really a mirror of the relationship that Christ has with His body—the church—for the reason she shared that it is viewed as a holy institution.
“Every institution operates on a constitution. For marriage, the principles of the word of God have to be the constitution that governs the union. Our top five advice would be to have lots of prayer, Word, sex, submission, and respect,” said Matheson.
