By Darren Brown
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Philippians 4:6
Some time ago, some friends and I had discussions about financial mistakes we had made in the past, which ultimately placed us in a mode of regret. We basically ended up passing the day, marking time, and feeling depressed. What a place in which to find ourselves! But be not dismayed; we all make money mistakes and feel horrible about them.
Do you struggle with being critical of yourself over a money mistake? Are you overwhelmed with regret over what you did or didn’t do? Do you keep thinking and wishing you had done things differently?
To further exacerbate our woes, we rarely talk about our money errors. We may talk about other matters, like relationship failures and the loss of a loved one, but when it comes to money, we can be extremely self-critical, wallowing in regret, replaying our losses over and over in our heads, mostly in isolation.
POINTS TO FOSTER HEALING
- Talk about it – Name the money regret and be specific. We all know that speaking our truth heals, so get clear about your regret and tell someone. I would say to take it to the LORD first in prayer and then identify a friend or family member whom you can trust with your story. Preferably someone who is not judgmental but would simply listen and love you anyway.
Example: “I regret borrowing money from Mr. White five years ago and never paying it back.” “I regret not saving more money.” “I regret incurring that $100,000 in credit card debt over the last few years.” Speak your truth out loud.
- Name the belief you were struggling with – What basic belief do you think fueled that behaviour? Example: “I really thought that I would have made enough money to pay back the loan.” Naming the belief is part of healing. Without naming the belief, it’s easy to repeat the mistake.
- Forgive yourself – Those choices were made at that time because you thought they were the best. Every study done about forgiveness tells us that not forgiving harms our health, – emotionally and physically. You are more prone to illness when you don’t forgive yourself.
- Lessons learned – What knowledge have you gained? What would you do differently if this hadn’t happened? It may have happened in the future in a bigger or different way. There is always a lesson to be learned.
- New actions – What are some new actions you can take that would make you feel better? Can you pay back Mr. White the money he loaned you years ago, or cut up your credit cards? Do you need to talk to a financial advisor or a money coach? Pick one action and move forward. You will thank yourself later.
Making money mistakes do NOT define who we are. What we do about them does.