Our lives are made up of experiences; some good and some bad. These experiences can sometimes shape our lives and mould our character, if we choose to allow them. For me, as a youth, memories of my past were in the form of photographs posted all over my mind, interfering with my days. They would pop up at the most inappropriate times, sometimes dominating my mind and I would idolise, despise, glorify, and shatter the persons and experiences I chose.
Let me be real, some of these memories were bittersweet. I found it hard to get rid of them; they tormented me (bitter), yet they were sweet in the sense that they were familiar, so I kept playing them over and over in my mind. My mind grew increasingly filled with images/memories that were vivid—alive and in living colour. Don’t be fooled though, I describe them as alive, but they were not life-giving.
These memories were slow poison…dangerous! How dangerous you may ask? To be frank they were deadly, as they told me how to deal with someone (based on my past experiences with them). They dictated who I was, including my actions based on the self-image I wanted to portray. Yet, because of my God-given conscience, I was accused daily. “Get rid of these negative emotions, do not relive the experience, it is a TRAP!” It screamed. “You are a target, bait; the devil is trying to deceive and destroy you. You have to change.”
I really tried but I found myself slipping, and I would feel ashamed. I had read the commandment: “Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.” Surely this was not for me because I had not made any statues and bowed before them, therefore I don’t have idols. Right? I was mistaken. There were images imprinted on my mind…images I did not want to let go…some of them were prideful images of me that I wanted others to see.
“If I got real enough to tell you my struggles, the imprints of the past on my mind, the burden of the images I create and carry every single day, the thoughts that invade my soul…would you judge me? Would you see me as the strong person I pretend to be?” …These thoughts plagued me when I considered sharing with others. Nevertheless, I became desperate, as the images in my mind produced negative emotions which only grew stronger. My secrets were killing me, but to expose them was to expose me. Do you see my dilemma?
THE SEARCH
I went to church and really tried to worship, but I left feeling empty. A void remained in my heart; a deep longing. Though I tried to read the Bible and pray, I was confused. In my desperation I tried counselling, but the counsellor wanted to know too much! Why did he need so much information to help me? The images of my past secrets were dangerous, haunting, and murderous to my soul. I did not want to have lengthy conversations about them. All I knew was that they made me a shadow of who God wanted me to be.
I felt like I was in a death trap. I wanted to get out, but how? The diagnosis was plainly laid out in Romans 7: 23-24…There was a law in my members, warring against the law of my mind and bringing me into the captivity of the law of sin which was in my body. It’s true, I was a wretched man! Who would deliver me from this body of death? “Would people or even God love me if they knew the real me?” I thought fearfully.
I really needed help, so the search continued…I had to have it, no matter the cost; I had to bare my soul to God and seek Him day and night. Whenever I cried out to Him, all I sensed of His responses was, “Be real.” This compelled me to share my life and make all my emotions totally naked, as I cried out to Him for days. This was it—I was finally real with Him as I was seeking Him. I even told Him I needed Him to survive! Then suddenly, in the midst of my tears, He spoke…
THE ANSWER
God: “I hear your cry for help.”
Me: “How can You help me? I need to clear my mind of these deadly images.”
God: “You need Me because without Me your soul will perish. It is more than the images in your mind. It is the image you walk and live in. It’s the way you are, born in sin and shaped in iniquity; you bear the image of your father, the devil.”
Me: “Lord, please fix me!”
God: “The old you cannot be fixed. You need a new image! I can make all things new—a new life, a new heart, a new spirit, a new nature, a new mind—making you capable of expressing my emotions all the time. I want to make you in the image of my first son, Jesus Christ. I have seen your efforts to worship me, but first I must be your Father. When you become my son, I will show you how to worship me in spirit and truth. I have great plans for your life.”
Me: “But what if I fail?” I anxiously asked.
God: “I am able to keep you from falling. Just give me your life and accept the new life I have for you. Trust me!”
Me: “But what about my body and the fatal urges I sometimes have?”
God: “I will put My Spirit in you that you may have power to live an overcoming life, but first, I will remove evil from your mind and body in such a way that they will want to serve me, and all you will have to do is let them. Trust me! My works are perfect!”
Me: “Yes, Lord! You can take my life, whatever the cost.”
I DIED
This time, it was real, and I could feel the burdensome weight on my soul lifting. I called Him Saviour; I gave Him my life, and He gave me the life of His son, Jesus Christ. In a flash, He came. I died and was resurrected as a new man—made in the image of Christ. Now, I am intrigued and amazed that the Lord loves me. No longer do I fear being alone with Him, as He is in me and I am in Him. As I hear, read, study, and obey the scriptures, I gaze in the mirror of His Word; I see Him, and I see myself in Him. Now that’s an image to behold and never let go! I have no condemnation because I am in Christ…Yes!
The Law of God’s Spirit, the Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus, has made me free from the law of sin and death (Romans 8:1-2). Now I am of Him because I have His Spirit (Romans 8:9). It has become even clearer that it was the law of sin and death that was working in my members. Thank God for His salvation, which is complete deliverance. What freedom! I can lift my hands, cry, sing, and most of all, I am free to love and be real with myself and others. Worship is now delightful, spontaneous and a sweet, willing, daily surrender! It’s simply a lifestyle of obedience to my Lord. I have become a living expression of His love, proving that there really is no fear—of man nor God’s judgement—when I am living obediently in Him (who is love).
Can you relate to the old me? Be encouraged to seek after and receive a new life in Christ, too!
Donnette Norman is a teacher co-founder of “Passion and Purity,” a school-based youth ministry.
