By Jody-Ann Gosling Williams
The matrimonial home was instituted by God as a natural spiritual covering for our children. Marriage was ordained as a reflection of our relationship with God Himself; we are the bride of Christ. The husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23). When there is a breakdown in spiritual order, it leaves room for breaches in security.
SECURITY BREACH
Stability or instability in the HEAD will inevitably flow into or affect the rest of the body (Psalm 133:2); this will cause chaos and disconnect. We have seen that when the shepherd is struck, the sheep will flee (Zechariah 13:7). The children are then left at a grave disadvantage, game for ravenous wolves when their shelter and covering are compromised due to ongoing rifts in the marriage between both mother and father. Research studies show that the effects of marital issues do affect our children’s mental state, behaviour, social, and academic performance. They can have significant effects on a child’s long-term outcome.
Allison Hyacintho, a marriage coach and counselor, warns, “Never let the gates of your home be left unguarded, unarmed, or unwatched, no matter what the fight is about.
Both husband and wife cannot be deaf to the spirit of the LORD at the same time due to anger. There must be one person who can hear God in the home at any time!
BATTLE OF THE TOILET SEAT
Can you sacrifice losing the argument in order to protect the spiritual atmosphere in your home? Consider the following scene as it rapidly escalates: –
Wifie shouts, “You left the toilet seat up…again!”
Her angry husband retorts, “That’s because you forgot to flush the toilet…again and I had to do it! Why do you have to put down the cover before flushing?”
“I’m avoiding germs,” Wifie sharply responds.
“A little germs won’t kill you!” Husband fires back.
However, Husband, suppose you decide to flush the toilet whenever your wife forgets; and Wifie, what if you commit to closing the seat, once you see it open, without making it a problem?
Oftentimes, we allow our pride and ego to get the best of us, and we are blind to the fact that our children are witnessing our stubborn hearts. Remember, the bigger goal is to always protect the spiritual atmosphere in your home.
Hyacintho also advises that we ought to discern when the battle shifts and know when it has veered from a physical matter to a spiritual one. Ephesians 6:12 tells us that “We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”
We ought to know when the battle line is crossed at the point of unforgiveness. Whenever both husband and wife are unable to forgive each other, recognise that the two of you, as a unit, are under siege and are being attacked. And you must unite in order to defeat the common enemy. Remember, Satan’s aim is to divide and conquer you so that your family can become weak and dysfunctional.
SPIRITUAL WISDOMS
There is a saying that “the first to forgive is closest to God.”
It is true that it takes great spiritual strength to forgive, but it also takes humility to recognise when you are wrong and admit it. We make it extremely complicated for God to step in and help us when we are stiff-necked because there are no channels for us through which God can walk or speak.
What is important is that in our differences and offences, we leave room for God’s help. It shows that our hearts are pliable to God’s intervention (1 John 1:9).
PARAMETERS AND TIMELINES
God has given us parameters and timelines within which to resolve our issues. As married couples, we can be angry without sinning.
In a practical way, we are advised “not to let the sun go down on our wrath (Ephesians 4:26–27) and that it is foolish to give full vent to our anger (Proverbs 29:11).
The Lord teaches us to “reason things out together” (Isaiah 1:18), and when we are not able to see eye to eye, we should seek counsel (Proverbs 11:14).
HOW DOES BITTERNESS AFFECT OUR CHILDREN?
Bitterness has roots and when they spring up, they defile others (Hebrews 12:15). When there is an environment of accusation, blaming, complaining, murmuring, slander, judging, cursing, anger, malice, strife, division, silent treatment, separation, arguments, and physical, emotional, mental, and sexual abuse observed by our children, it creates an atmosphere of feeling unprotected and fearful.
What they see, hear, and witness exposes them to the very spirit of bitterness, which will defile them. They are observing how we communicate and what is appropriate; they are learning social skills and emotional intelligence through our interactions with one another.
This causes confusion and puts our children under undue stress when it is unpleasant. They can become either withdrawn or defensive as they are pushed to pick sides, or they can get confrontational when forced to get involved when parents have abdicated their role of protection.
The result? Disrespectful children. Ephesians 6:1-2 and Exodus 20:12 get flung out the window, and the door of dishonour and the curse of premature death get activated in their lives.
COVERING OUR CHILDREN SPIRITUALLY AS HUSBAND AND WIFE
- Husbands and wives have a duty to nurture love for each other and to fan the flames of love in order to remain in love.
- Quality time should be a priority, including a mixture of social, physical, emotional, and spiritual attention.
- Submitting to God and each other must be evident to children.
- A demonstration of love must be seen and felt.
- Husbands must “wash” their wives in the Word.
- Husbands and wives should actively pursue resolving issues quickly.
- Both must agree on disciplinary actions for the children.
- Wives must submit to their husbands, demonstrating respect for God.
- Husbands must love their wives as Christ loves the church.
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A full-time evangelist, Jody-Ann heads the Healing and Deliverance Ministry, School Evangelism, and Discipleship programme at Church on the Rock, Kingston. Call 876-818-3439.
Her two books: ‘The Good News of Deliverance’ and ‘Introspection – the Devotional Series’ are available at Bryan’s Bookstore, and York and Lee’s Pharmacies. Contact [email protected].
