How I longed for my father and wished he was always present with me throughout my childhood. Yes, my greatest wish was to live with him! Sadly, he and Mom separated when I was around two years old, and they both moved on, got married, and had other children. Nevertheless, I so cherished every bit of opportunity I could experience with my father, even if it was just for a one-night sleepover. For a reason unknown to me, these moments were few and far between, but this never changed how I felt about him.
DAD COULD DO NO WRONG, UNTIL…
Though we did not have a lot of opportunity to bond intimately, as a child I felt like my dad was perfect. For me, he could do no wrong! It meant the world to me whenever he brought gifts – like on birthdays (am smiling at the memory of that little purple bike with the glittering words “Road Princess”), providing groceries and supplies to aid with back-to-school needs, and most worthy to add…that summer he bought me a fan because the relentless heat I was experiencing at home in Portmore was causing my skin to be decked with rashes. Having noticed them on one of his visits to see me, Dad promptly solved the problem. By the way, let me just say that it’s not that Mom never cared for me, but in all the sacrifices she made for us as children, she was still not able to address the need for a fan at the time.
Back to Dad – his hugs and kisses made me feel secure but only to a degree, as there was still a void in me. His words, opinions, and affirmations carried much weight, maybe too much. I remember, once when I visited him, he commented on my need for braces, and that cemented an insecurity that already existed as it pertained to my teeth. From that point onwards, I would make every effort to smile reservedly – ensuring my teeth were never revealed. Fathers, please take note here and consider being judicious about what you say and how you speak to your child.
STEP-DAD
While growing up, my daily experience of a father-figure was not the best. The man my mom had married left me with physical and mental/emotional scars (I must add that the latter are now gone as God ministered healing to my soul at salvation, and I honour him today).
I lived in a broken home, and as time passed with it grew my longing for a father, which extended even into my adult years. My encounters with my own dad grew even fewer. I wound up a crooked mix of fearing love, relationships, and commitment, yet at the same time seeking a father even in a spouse. I reasoned that I wanted someone much older than me because I felt that they had more wisdom/guidance and protection to offer – they were mature, experienced, and knew what they wanted – which would make me feel more secure.
I now laugh at this when I consider how God was sure to give me an awesome husband who is actually younger than I am – proving that He knows what I need and who is best for me.
Dear Dad, I thought growing up without you would have defined me; that I would always be at a disadvantage in life. I pitied myself as I witnessed peers in high school having their father drive them to and from school, meeting their natural needs like clothing, tuition, entertainment, and then some; while I had to (illicitly) sell baked goods and confectioneries to fend for myself, as I thought this would relieve Mom to focus more on the needs of my younger siblings. I even lived with my best friend for a while, as I desired that sense of stability I perceived in her family, since both her parents were married and actively present in her life.
FORBIDDEN IN THIS HOME
However, thanks be to God, I realised that self-pity, resentment, covetousness, bitterness, and the rest were the strategy of the enemy and what he had planned for me.
Dad, my perspective has shifted because OUR Heavenly Father has “redeemed the times” in both your life and mine. He had a plan for us from before time began, and that one supersedes sin and all the works of the devil. The brokenness has been blotted out, and now we are closer than we could ever be by virtue of us being part of God’s eternal family. You took that step in surrendering your life to Christ, and I witnessed changes in you that, at the time, I could not understand or appreciate but could not deny. In hindsight, I am grateful for the occasions when I visited your home and you stood your ground as a priest – forbidding me, my sister, and other relatives from watching TV shows and listen music that were filled with ungodly influence.
Of course, in the moment, I thought you were “doing the most”, “taking this Christian thing too far”, or “holier than thou”, but now I am right in agreement with you. I admire you for your servant leadership in your home: how you have humbled yourself to this day to serve your wife, even in seasons when God would have it that she is the only one receiving a monthly income. You do not see it demeaning to take on the majority of the domestic tasks in the home, and that is a blessing. It has even helped me to understand and appreciate seasons in my own life today and also in my marriage. In that wise, I am truly blessed to have a husband with a heart like yours. You are not less of a man for doing this; actually, this makes you a real God man!
Before salvation, Satan was working promiscuity, alcoholism, revelry, adultery, and other uncleanness in your life, but that was cut off when Jesus met and saved you in your bedroom. Thank you for being an intercessor for us, your children, since then. I see clearly that the enemy was on a mission, continuing those same works even in my life, but God heard your prayers and delivered me, too! Thirteen years after your own transformation, I experienced my own moment of surrender to my Saviour, also in my bedroom…on the same date and month as you did…Who else but our Sovereign God and Father?!
We marvel at the fact that you were born on December 4 and I on the 5th, but our rebirth being on the same date is even more marvellous. Now, we are surely twinning – both tasked with the ministry of reconciliation in our family, seeing fruit from it, and lives filled with eternal hope!
Daddy, I love you and want you to know that all of your life (even those moments when I was missing you) is a precious gift to me from my Dearest Dad.
Kimoy Callum is a member of Passion and Purity, a school-based Christian ministry.