This is a true story about a Jamaican couple that migrated in their mid-twenties to the USA, where their three children were subsequently born. The youngest child, Destiny, is at the centre of the narrative that is being told by her mother.
For over a decade now, the family has been boxed into a topsy-turvy, ticking-time-bomb of a situation as Destiny has developed a drug-addiction problem, which has taken her through her teen years and young adulthood into some dark and dangerous places.
We ask that even as you pray for this family (whose names have been altered), you take careful note of all the methods marijuana users may employ to facilitate their addiction…
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Fresh out of high school with a 3.96 GPA, my daughter received many scholarships, from which she selected one that included boarding on campus. Within three months though, she was back home on academic suspension as her GPA had plummeted to 0.75.
At first, she admitted that she smoked, but rarely; then one night I woke to the smell of marijuana saturating the house. Destiny finally admitted that she had been lying and was mainly using THC pens which effectively hid most of the stench. I kept stumbling upon the pens all over the house, and at the same time, new ones were arriving in the mail.
THINGS BECAME CONFRONTATIONAL
Destiny used to have a very honest and sincere character, but this transformed into lying, deceit, and manipulation to the point where I could hardly recognise her. I expressed to her that I loved her dearly but detested the weed for her, and the fact that she depended on it was bothersome.
She blamed me for not giving her more independence, for treating her older sister with more leniency, and for cuddling her too much. In one argument, she said she felt alone because I was busy with other things and ignored her needs. In one minute, she dubbed me the best and most supportive mother ever, and seconds later, I was the worst, most overbearing mom that prohibited her progress and controlled her decisions.
I was willing to take responsibility for any role I played in making her feel uncomfortable or sad, and I was ready to try to correct any adverse effect my actions might have caused. Still, it turned out each of Destiny’s issues was contradicting the next. I realised that she just wanted someone to blame, and I became the easy target. She simply refused to be accountable.
BACK ON THE DEAN’S LIST
Destiny often reminded us that she was an adult and insisted that she be treated as such. Her father and I agreed that we would provide food, shelter, clothing, and college expenses if she stopped smoking and went to outpatient therapy. She reluctantly agreed and was willing to have her level of weed measured weekly. She started attending classes at the local community college and was excelling remarkably. At the end of the semester, she was on the Dean’s list!!!
She was so proud, and so were all members of the family! It was time to start reapplying for a traditional college because she wanted to major in veterinarian psychology and had a deep passion for exploring the use of therapy dogs to assist children with trauma and PTSD.
The results of the marijuana tests were all negative. Things were looking up…or so it seemed.
By Mother’s Day of 2019, her dad rewarded her with a beautiful car and expressed that he had faith in her resilience and determination. The family celebrated her courage and strength. She was attending rehab, and the results were remarkable. I was also still paying for psychotherapy, and didn’t smell weed when she walked into the house. I would smell lavender oils and warm vanilla sugar. It was refreshing.
It was now June. The summer was in full swing, and I began noticing familiar behaviours and habits. My sense of smell is quite acute, and I was certain that I was smelling weed again. Destiny would comment that friends smoked around her and quickly remind me that her results were always clean.
I retreated; she was right. According to her drug tests, she was not smoking marijuana, and she did not violate the rules or hurdle any boundaries.
We paid for a second semester of community college; she was required to have one year of college credits, and then she would be re-admitted into her original programme of study. We also paid for her books and parking. Whatever she needed, we bought it. Putting money in her account was just not a smart thing to do with the temptation of smoking always looming.
STRANGE VIALS IN THE FREEZER
A month into the Fall semester (October), we discovered strange vials hidden in the freezer and confirmed that they contained urine. Destiny was using someone else’s urine for all these drug tests that were coming up clean!
My heart sank. I could hardly breathe; my mouth was dry, and my head ached immediately. I was floored. A look through her notebooks—no notes. And then I checked the mail. Destiny was not attending classes, and so she was dropped from all her courses.
Deja vu? The following day, her dad and I were scheduled to meet her at rehab for a status report.
The therapist was overjoyed to report that Destiny had been totally clean for six weeks. Destiny was gloating, almost jeering and scolding her dad and me for ever doubting her. She had a cocky and pompous show in session for a few minutes. We sat there in disbelief. My daughter was like an award-winning actress at work; my heart was shattered. We revealed what we knew about the frozen urine and the college classes that she was not attending.
The therapist was so disappointed. She, too, had been tricked by Destiny and felt totally betrayed.
Destiny became confrontational and disrespectful and loudly expressed her desire to live without boundaries. “I’m trapped, trapped!” she exclaimed, declaring that she was a weed smoker and we should just accept it. She reminded us that it was not a criminal offence to smoke marijuana, which would be fully legal in New York soon. We calmly told her that she needed to get a job and move out and exercise her independence completely.
WE TOOK AWAY HER CAR
While giving her time to find an apartment, she reported to us that her car had been involved in an accident. We found out later that one of her friends had crashed it. It was also discovered that she was driving while under the influence, so her dad took the car for her safety. She was making bad decisions—her life and the lives of others were at risk.
The lying, stealing, manipulation, and combative attitude were at an all-time high, and I realised that she did not want to work. Her priority was getting high by whatever means necessary.
I was worried for my daughter. I realised I was her crutch. I knew I was being manipulated when she would share with me that she wanted to stop smoking. We would sing gospel songs and pray and cry together, but as soon as I fell asleep, she would steal my money. I would wake up with the stench of weed wreaking havoc in my nasal passage, my trachea, my lungs, and most significantly, my soul. I was immediately nauseous. Destiny had played me for a fool…again.
After several heart-wrenching experiences, I had to wake up from my daze – Destiny was no longer welcomed in the house. It was too much. She had to get to rock bottom and figure out what she really wanted. The experts thought I was enabling her.
I could not sleep at nights; I was sick with worry. Destiny had chosen marijuana over a relationship with her family, but did I make the right decision to kick her out of the family home? How was she surviving?…
