Hey youth, are you married? Planning on getting married in 2025? Or is it just a desire in your heart? Not interested? If you said “yes” to any of these, this read is for you. But first, let us be settled in the reality that God did not will everyone to marry, and we must be contented with whatever He chooses for us.
Now, marriage is the union (between a man and a woman) that God intended to precede the start of family life. It is a legal contract recognised by Him and the law of the land, as He Himself performed the first marriage ceremony in the Garden of Eden.
God created sex exclusively for married people to discover and enjoy. More specifically, His intentions for it are as follows:
- It is to be a part of that which consummates or completes the marriage covenant.
- If the female is a virgin, the breaking of the hymen in her vagina produces blood which God designed as a natural sign of the sealing of the covenant (a significant symbol of Christ’s shed blood which seals the covenant between Him and His bride – the church).
- It is a source of mutual bonding and a type of expression of the love they have for each other.
- Procreation (to reproduce children).
See, sex as God intended is an honourable, beautiful gift from Him, and the marriage bed (sexual relationship) is clean or undefiled. It was meant to be associated with life, joy, and happiness yet has been the cause of much heartache, pain, wars, diseases, mistrust, and obsession. Unfortunately, in a world full of sexual perversions, many young persons are introduced to sex from a wrong perspective and therefore find it difficult to keep it in its proper place and timing.
There are those who find out about sex through television, pornographic material, friends who give them wrong information, or seeing people engaging in illicit sex. Some young persons were even directly exposed prematurely, either by force, seduction, or coercion. Sadly, as a consequence of this initiation, they might continue to indulge in sexual activity and even become promiscuous or fearful of sex. Whichever end of the spectrum you might find yourself, please be encouraged that there is healing for your soul through salvation in Jesus Christ. And remember that contrary to popular belief/culture, some people were socialised differently but still chose to do things the right way.
It is important that we realise that God calls every form of sexual activity outside of marriage a sin, as it is a perversion of His intentions. Whatever our situation, dealing with our sexuality is inevitable, as this is an important aspect of our lives. The utmost way of dealing rightly with our sexuality is submitting to God and exercising self-control, which comes from receiving God’s spirit, the only one Who can make us sexually pure and remain contented, being able to always resist any urge to engage in sex outside of God’s design.
MARRIED BUT SEXUALLY IMPURE
There are some obvious perversions that manifest themselves through the acts of prostitution, incest, homosexuality/lesbianism, bestiality, fornication, adultery, sexual abuse, pornography, masturbation, etc. However, it must be said that there are perversions that exist even in mindsets that some people carry into marriage. For example, seeing marriage as an avenue to satisfy your lust for sex or companionship. That is actually carnal, selfish thinking that God does not want His children to embrace. Oftentimes such persons will be more susceptible to cheating when they feel like their spouse is not meeting their sexual desires as they should, even in instances where they simply cannot (as in the case of illness or long distance).
There is also a mindset that says good sex means a woman’s “lady parts” must be left aching and is a mark of the man’s sexual prowess. Friends, if anyone subjects another person to acts of indecency, brutality, or inconsideration, even in marriage, it is sexual abuse, which is wrong and also a perversion.
By now, we should see that sexual purity (and sin) begins in our heart/mind. One writer puts it like this: “The mind is one of the most important sexual organs.” Once your soul is purified, you will walk in sexual purity as you walk in obedience to the Word of God, and your mind will be pure. You will find pornography and any form of sexual uncleanness repulsive.
Conversely, you might be a physical virgin but still sexually impure before God, because your mind constantly entertains lustful thoughts. If this is you, know that when you surrender your life to God and begin to discover the real meaning of life, you will find out that you are more than just a body. You are created in the image of God, and your body, soul, and spirit belong to Him; they must be used for His glory.
In embracing this perspective, men will not be quick to “prove their masculinity” by their sexual exploits and conquests but will see ladies around them as God’s beautiful creation, who must be respected and protected. Also, ladies will not use their femininity in ways that displease God (like using their bodies to manipulate men or gaining pleasure from men lusting after them). Instead, they will honour all men and embrace modesty in their interactions with them. Remember that all sins, including sexual sins, will destroy your soul.
“But whoso commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding: he that doeth it destroys his own soul.” (Proverbs 6:32)
Donnette Norman is co-founder of “Passion and Purity,” a school-based youth ministry.
