It cannot be denied that the sum of all choices made today equals the future – a simple but very profound truth…one I have come to experience. I am from the ghetto, and my choices caused me to live in a mental and emotional prison because I adopted a victimised mentality.
My primary thought was, “It does matter where you are born, and it’s ok to try and change the situation by whatever means possible, because the grass is much greener on the other side.” But is this perspective true?
It is this same thinking that causes many to justify scamming, prostitution, violence, or even idolise education and career. It breeds the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life (things that make us enemies of God), which, by the way, are also present in some who are living in “better communities”. This is because the real issue is rooted not in our physical location but in our spiritual location.
Some are just focused on getting out of the ghetto and getting out fast, and usually, utilising talents in music and sports are seen as acceptable doors of opportunity. However, they usually come with great compromise and/or pride, so though one may become rich in this world, they remain in poverty concerning the things of God. The reality is, most will never change their geographic location. What then? Should life be perpetually depressing because one erroneously makes their address and the stigmas attached equal to their identity and worth?
For me, this mentality was influenced by all the evil I saw, including the harsh experiences of growing up in the ghetto – an experience that either makes or breaks you. Death became an everyday occurrence, and I desperately wanted to escape. I remember lying awake at nights with the haunting question in my head – why me?
Here’s my life in a nutshell: Mom had five children with five different men. My father? Nowhere in sight. Gregory, my older brother, had to drop out of school when his father died. Sheka, my older sister, got pregnant in school, so she too dropped out. I was the only one in the family to reach fifth form, and I wanted to give some hope to my younger brother and sister.
From my perspective, my school friends were privileged: living a life of vast contrast. They were taken to school and picked up by their parents (though some resented this). They had their own rooms at home, but as for me and my family, we were all crammed in a tight space like sardines; I could not even find a good spot to sleep. There was a lot of fighting and confusion around me, and my heart was almost ready to capsize in depression at this dismal view of my world. I was called “cute boy” or “the girls’ man” because I was popular with the girls, who wanted my commitment to a relationship, but I was looking for sexual pleasure. Eventually, I found myself getting bored with sleeping around, but then something happened that arrested my attention.
MOM’S NEW LOVE CAPTURED ME
As a party freak, Mom used to drink, smoke, and live the wildest life conceivable. She was a “‘victim’ of the ghetto,” yet she changed dramatically when she became a Christian. Her transformation was unbelievable; totally unexpected from someone who always allowed her frustrations to get the best of her. She would tell her children and all who interacted with her anything that came to her mind, including expletives.
Initially, I didn’t know how to deal with the change, so whenever I arrived from school, I would enter the room she was in, go outside, and come back inside again! I couldn’t believe it was the same person.
Since Mom’s life changed, I became inspired to defy the odds and get rid of the victimised, negative mentalities. I grew so curious about her transformation that I began accompanying her to a place that she seemed to always want to be and spoke of so passionately! Week after week I was with her in church, and before you knew it, one day I ended up at the place I had promised myself I would never go: the altar. There were many persons there that day, sobbing and weeping. Unexpectedly, I began crying as I agreed with the person who was praying for me. I could hear myself shouting, “Save me, Jesus! Jesus, save me!”
GOD’S RETURN ON MY INVESTMENT
I will never forget this experience which led to me becoming a committed Christian. Not only did I join the church as a member, but also served on the music team, playing the drums.
My mother was delighted!
At some point, I became part of the Mentorship Program and the pastor of the church decided
to take me on as his ‘special project.’ In many ways, he was a tremendous help to my family, including meeting financial needs and allowing me to live at his home when my CSEC Exams were approaching.
I respected the way he loved God and how he treated people. His passion and excellence in all he did inspired me, and I began to consider the possibilities of becoming bi-vocational: becoming a pastor, as well as the accountant I always wanted to be.
I also admired the lifestyle and structure of pastor’s family. He had a son, Kevin, who was nineteen and studying medicine abroad at a prominent university. We met last summer when he visited for the holidays and worked with the music team at church.
Kevin was very talented in music, which he loved, but he was quiet and very moody…to me he seemed like a seething volcano…I would soon discover how right I was.
In the will of the Lord, we’ll continue next week this true story from Passion and Purity, a school-based Christian NGO.
