Years ago, I hated my life, myself, and I just could not find a reason to live. I did not understand that I had a purpose in life and that I was not just merely existing. My childhood was not what I wanted it to be, as I was abused by some of my family members. As for my self-esteem, it was very low; I often felt as if no one loved me and would sometimes cry myself to sleep. Depression consumed me until it got so bad I started to abuse my own self. I recall hitting my head on the wall because I desperately wanted to die. I just wanted a way out, but nothing I tried worked.
Seeking companionship was unfruitful because I had no wisdom of choice in terms of the type of friends I made. This was evidenced when I wound up best friends with a gunman. Of course, I found that after hanging out with him, he influenced me over time, and I became his partner in crime. Somehow, that gave me a sense of acceptance, self-importance, and I was deceived to think it was the only way my life made any sense. One thing led to the next, and soon I was involved in a gang where I experienced so many hazardous situations and environments. Now I look back and say, “Thank you, Lord, for Your mercy,” because I know I should have died, but God!
Some time passed, and my best friend died in a robbery, bringing devastation into my reality. To add to this, one of the gang members that I was associated with threatened to kill me! At this point I started to really ponder the significance of my life again. I felt betrayed, as I thought this guy was my friend and meant well. Now I know that there is no good in sin!
JUMPED FROM THE THIRD FLOOR
Things began to worsen, and I became extremely bitter and angry. Even my mother was perceived as an enemy by my tainted heart. It got to the point that I heard literal voices telling me that no one loved me and that everyone was against me, including her. One particular voice told me, “There is a way out of this” (I now know that this was the voice of the devil). He suggested a solution; he told me to jump off a very high building which I was on – three stories from the ground! He said, “If you do this, all will be well. People will mourn for a while, but they will get over it.”
The sad thing was that I believed that voice. I did not know then that I would be damned forever if I obeyed and died, so you know what I did? I jumped! But right in the middle of believing and obeying a lie, God stepped in with His rich grace and mercy and worked a miracle that blew my mind – it still does today! To my surprise, as soon as I was airborne, I felt as if someone caught me, except I saw no one. I got up from the ground without a scrape or bruise! Right then and there, God totally got my attention, and He continued to influence my heart! Every time I think about it, I say, “THANK YOU, JESUS!”
GUNNING TO FREEDOM
Conviction firmly gripped me as God further cemented His work in my heart by consuming one of the greatest fears I had, which was to confront men from a rival gang; one that my gang opposed for years. In a turn of events, I was invited to a church conference and to my surprise they too were invited (and showed up!). Most of the people in the church did not know what was going on, or who we were beyond being visitors. Fear filled my heart as I saw them, but … God did another miracle. As I sat and listened to the Word of God being powerfully delivered, it started to actively work in my heart, almost tangibly, and I felt when the fear left me! I got up, made my way to the altar, and yielded my heart to God’s propelling and compelling grace as I fell to my knees and submitted to the Power that drew me there.
Now, I know it was the power of the Holy Spirit working salvation (the greatest miracle) in my heart. I left the altar with zero fear of these gunmen; I felt peace and a true sense of security. I knew I was free to love my enemies, totally transformed, never the same again. Today, when I consider my life and these experiences, I thank God with all the passion inside me for SALVATION—even that of others.
Now, sharing the testimony of how I received salvation brings me joy and I have been able to reach out to some of the gunmen from my past and share the miracle of God’s transformation in my life. My freedom came by submitting to the Lord, which empowered me, by the Holy Spirit, to do what is right and good for myself and others.
Ministering to youth, even as I have through Passion and Purity and other means, gives me many great opportunities to glorify God for all that He has done in and through my life.
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Commentary:
What if you discovered that what you thought was freedom is actually captivity…a lie! Well, such is the life of all of us until we encounter and receive the Holy Spirit, Who is the Spirit of truth. He is the one Who frees us when we believe on Jesus Christ and His words (John 8:32, Romans 8:2). Consider Him as God’s Eternal Positioning System (GEPS). At salvation, He loosens us from Satan’s grip, takes us off the road of destruction, and positions us in Jesus Who is eternal (Colossians 2:10), and starts directing our lives in such a way that we will not miss our purpose here on earth (John 16:13).
Lost? Let’s look into this analogy:
On the one hand, consider, the technology of Global Positioning System (GPS)—though helpful, it is limited to earth, natural, faulty, and even misleads its users.
On the other hand, GEPS is spiritual—unlimited and infallible, it always leads us away from error into truth. Why try to figure out your own way in life when you can be confidently led by GEPS? God is not far! Seek Him and surrender your heart today. Let Him lead you unto Freedom Street!
Passion and Purity wrote the commentary in this testimony and altered the writer’s name in order to protect identity. Passion and Purity is a school-based Christian-ministry.