Do you think that God has written a detailed story for your life? Do you believe He is wise, good, and does only what is best for you? What bearing does this have on your choices, desires, and expectations for a soul mate, for example?
Sanaa had been facing a rough time when she began recognising that Kevin, the man she thought was her ideal, was not at all in alignment with God’s choice for her. Even though their pastor had cautioned them that they did not think they were a match made in heaven, the two had ignored the warning, blind with love.
In the midst of this, Sanaa met James, a new member of the choir. She discovered that not only was he an outstanding pianist, but like her, his vocal range was superb. And he could pray and knew his Bible! At first, Sanaa thought he was too spiritual, but it was this aspect of his personality that made her recognise that her relationship with Kevin was on the wrong path. And when she tried re-focusing their direction, he resisted. Sanaa persisted alone in pursuing God more deeply, and when she and Kevin eventually separated, she turned all her attention to loving God more.
It was during this long period of growing in the Lord, that Sanaa’s feelings for James began changing; increasingly, she was finding him attractive…but he was so different from the man she had imagined she would walk down the aisle with, she sat reasoning with herself one day. She really needed to check her list again…plus she didn’t even know if he felt the same way about her? What if he didn’t?
Sanaa scrummaged one last time through her cluttered closet until she found it in the same spot where she had always kept it; so chaotic was her mind that she simply had forgotten where the hiding place was. “It” was her “special box”—filled with old love letters, photographs, and journals. She collapsed on the floor, exhausted, holding tightly to her chest her “journal of journals,” her “Record of Dreams” book. In it she had written details of everything that she wanted, especially in a husband. She had prayed, fasted, and asked everyone she knew to pray with her concerning him. She thought she knew exactly what she wanted and never once imagined that God’s plan might differ from hers.
“I hate this, and I don’t understand it,” she muttered as she read again and again her detailed description of the man for whom she had invested years of prayers.
“Oh God,” Sanaa cried. “I think You have my list mixed up with someone else’s; James is nowhere close to the man I’ve been asking You for.” Yet she knew in her heart he was all that she needed.
As she began rebuffing every good quality of James that popped into her mind at this point, it was like she could hear his voice in her head, increasing in intensity as he interceded for the church’s upcoming conference for which he and Sanaa were practising.
At what point Sanaa switched to praying about the quandary she was in, she could not tell; but somewhere along the line, the Holy Spirit arrested her, and for a long time, she cried out to the LORD, clutching her precious list to her chest until she finally fell asleep.
SHE DREW A LINE THROUGH HER LIST
That Sunday, Sanaa shifted uncomfortably in her seat in church—the Pastor was preaching on marriage. “Why now, God?” she silently questioned. The message was undoing the hidden places of her heart, causing her to feel naked as if everyone could read her thoughts. She was trying so hard not to look in James’ direction as the preacher spoke about God’s divine purpose (for marriage) and His ways and methods.
Against her intent, warm tears began rolling down Sanaa’s cheeks, for she realised that she had held on to her list for years, religiously revising it out of fear of being hurt. Her heart was tied to what she could control; not to the God Who was in control.
By the time she knelt at the altar, she was weeping and repenting for being her own god in her relationships. As she poured out her heart, she felt a freedom that enabled her to trust God. She was at rest because she no longer had to be the keeper of her heart, as her Father knew what was best for her in all things.
At home that night, Sanaa drew a line through her list in her journal and replaced it with a note: “Revoked. God, You choose.” Her final submission left her glowing in freedom and happiness. She had also surrendered her feelings for James to God, being contented and open to the possibility of him not being God’s choice either.
However, even after this she found that she was still attracted to James and so she told her mentor/Pastor Kim, who prayed with her that God’s will be done.
One evening, after she and James had finished rehearsing for the annual conference, they were about to leave when he started playing her favourite song. He had done that once before and she had avoided interrogating him because she had been rushing to meet Kevin; but this time, she had time.
She began praying for courage, for shyness had overcome her. “How did you know that is my absolute favourite song, James?” she asked after a long time of wavering.
It was his time to pause. Always so cool and sure of what he had to say, he seemed to be weighing his thoughts, and then finally, he responded with something that melted her heart. “God placed this song in my spirit the day He placed you in my heart!” As their eyes locked, James noticed that Sanaa was beaming with joy, and he knew now that God had revealed to her what He had told him so long ago.
ARE YOU SMILING, TOO?
Can you feel the joy of this love story unfolding according to the will of God? We know that’s a yes! This is the conclusion of the story, “Engaged, but does God agree?” Though this was fiction, the principles unearthed as we journeyed over the past few weeks are certainly true and as you embrace them, you will have the joy of the Lord.
What expectations are you holding to instead of giving it all to God? Don’t be caught in the trap of going your own way (pride); living as if you know better than God does.
If you find yourself struggling to surrender to God, begin to pray and ask Him to give you a heart that loves Him so much that all you desire is whatever He wants for your life, knowing that He loves you and will give you nothing but His best.
Human wisdom/judgment is limited and even flawed, so it’s wise to yield yourself to God Who knows all things, is perfect in all He does, and Who wrote your story long before you even existed. It’s only in living according to His expectations that you will be truly fulfilled and have hope of being positively rewarded for eternity.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6