Over time, the signs became increasingly obvious, but because of the innocence of our lack of understanding, we often laughed about it. Then there were those moments we held in disdain in thinking that she was speaking utter lies. Well, at least, that was my thinking back then. Now, a part of me sometimes bears shame for perceiving her in that light. Of course, as a child who was nurtured to respect older adults, especially in a spiritual sense, I dared not allow my perception to leave my lips. Okay, let’s be honest! I wouldn’t be so audacious as to say it to her face nor to any other adult figure. But I remember Mama in a happy way.
My grandmother taught me Godliness, gratitude, and the gift of giving—among other things. And as children, our ignorant minds had us thinking that Mama would live forever because she was also the epitome of strength, courage, and resilience. Eventually, we had to embrace the knowledge that her body was growing weaker.
WHAT IS THIS BIG D?
Now, let’s confront the reality of the BIG D—a challenge that deeply affects not just those diagnosed but also the families and loved ones who must find the strength to adapt to the changes and pain that accompany this journey. Understanding and compassion are critical, for this illness tests the very fabric of our resilience and love.
Yes, you might have guessed it. It’s dementia.
Dementia is a terminal condition that results in a variety of diseases. This involves the progression of mental and ultimately, physical functioning in individuals, which contributes to the irreparable death of the brain cells. The most common varieties of these maladies are Alzheimer’s disease, vascular dementia, and dementia with Lewy bodies. Other causes of dementia include frontotemporal dementia, particular infections such as HIV, head injuries and Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome (WKS), the latter being excessive alcohol drinking. There are rarer causes, which involve specific genetic diseases like Huntington’s and Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease.
WORKING WITH PEOPLE WHO HAVE DEMENTIA
But before I take another step, I’m not here to make anyone scholars in the subject of dementia. I’m sharing from a place of appreciation of the ailment, especially now that my profession exposes me to the challenges faced by those living with the symptoms of other diseases.
As a child, the word ‘dementia’ was whispered, if spoken at all. Instead, people would say someone was ‘senile’—a term that unfairly stigmatises and diminishes the person behind the symptoms. Today, we know that language matters deeply. Using phrases like “a person living with dementia” honours their dignity and humanity. There is absolutely no shame in living with this condition.
Dementia does not discriminate by age—it can touch the lives of younger people as well, known as Younger Onset Dementia (YOD), when diagnosed before age 65. By embracing respectful language and open conversation, we can foster understanding and break through the stigma that surrounds the disease.
THE FORGETFULNESS THAT MAKES SENSE
Dear reader, raise your hands if you recall anything about the nervous system during your biology studies in high school. (By the way, I know there are scholars out there who are cognisant of this subject, so kudos to you!). Remember earlier when I mentioned my lack of knowledge regarding my grandmother? Mama didn’t indulge in abusing her body with alcohol or smoking, so none of those lifestyles would have contributed to her ailment. Still, there was a significant cognitive decline in her brain, which seemed to have been caused by a specific medical condition, such as dementia (or Alzheimer’s disease)—and not by ageing itself. The nerve cells (neurons) within her brain could no longer communicate effectively. After all, in the human body, the brain cells are the first to deteriorate or die.
Dementia can present itself in subtle ways. Its symptoms are progressive. Therefore, my grandmother became increasingly forgetful, her responses were delayed, and she often repeated herself within short time spans. Plus, she was affected by underlying illnesses, which further compromised her health. Again, as children, our foolish, untutored minds would find it hilarious when she did or said something that seemed out of character.
HER SOUL BOASTED IN GOD (PSALM 34:2)
I respect my role as a health and social care professional, despite my being mentally, physically, and emotionally spent during and after my long shifts. Being able to identify Mama in every elderly person, who is placed in my care is a God-given ministry, which I choose to honour.
With an indelible mark, Mama left us less than two decades ago, approximately three months short of her 92nd birthday. She was a God-fearing woman who believed in the Word of God. She was confident that even through her failing health, God was faithful to His promise to carry, bear, and save her.
I remember lying beside her on her bed, while I was singing songs of praise and worship and talking about how amazing God had been to her. She wasn’t able to relate to me verbally, but she was singing along with me. There she was, hands lifted high as she was laying on her back. Her lips parting delicately as she sang with me and water, like crystal, cascading her temples.
I still believe her tears were reflections of joy and thanksgiving to the GOD who created and kept her. What a profound moment that was for me! And that was my last encounter with Mama.
Yes, I remember Mama in a happy way, in spite of the BIG D beneath the shadows.
“Even to your old age I am He, and to grey hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save”. Isaiah 46:4
Wherever Collette Y. Anderson goes, she carries the gospel banner. A Jamaican living overseas, she works in the health and social care system.