Parents sometimes fail to realise that their children are impacted by what they go through, often to a greater degree. I was anything but oblivious to my mother’s pain. She deeply invested herself in her marriage, seemingly in vain. This left me with a tainted view of love and marriage, and so I vowed to avoid it. My resistance was rooted in my experience with my father, who was supposed to be an example of a Godly man and husband. He was present (physically) yet absent (emotionally).
I’D RATHER YOUR HEART THAN YOUR WALLET
It left me a wounded child yearning for the true love of a father that went beyond offering tangible gifts to make up for episodes of traumatic, uncontrolled, irrational wrath. Endless cycles of hurt, apology after apology, “forgiving” again and again, became the brick and mortar building a fortress around my increasingly callous heart. Nevertheless, an undeniable, unfulfilled longing for love resided in me.
Thankfully, I’ve been blessed to witness a marriage that truly demonstrates God’s design. It was centered around God and showed me that a Godly man, who places his love for God above all else, can lead and love his wife as he ought to. In the same breath, I began to compare this with my own reality. My father is part of the church; why doesn’t he love his family as God intended? The question resonated as I moved further from loving him (and ultimately from the true source of love—God). I still needed a resolution.
As I was about to give up, the very definition of Love Himself stepped in and rescued me. God patiently waited until I had no other option but to turn to Him. He reminded me of the epitome of love, which is seen in Jesus—the standard of how to operate in situations like mine. He literally understands every pain. He suffered some terrible things at the hands of other people while He walked the earth, yet He did not abort the will of God, which was to die for His offenders. He still wholeheartedly suffered and gave up His life for them; even while they crucified Him, He interceded for them.
So, God wants us to forgive our offenders, love our enemies, and pray for them sincerely.
But, “Who does that, right?” “That’s so unnatural!”
My point exactly!
We cannot deal with situations like these on our own. We need the supernatural power of God! It enables us to overcome any and every offence. Listen, offences are inevitable. What will you do about them? You can remain captive by embracing negative emotions, which only grow worse with each offence. However, consider that even if your offender dies, you’ll still find yourself suffering mentally, emotionally, and spiritually because of unforgiveness. Unforgiveness is like a key given to the enemy to drive us into darkness and afflict our souls.
LOVE IS THE MORE EXCELLENT WAY!
The other option is to consider that you have at least once committed an offence, whether you have lied, disobeyed parents, maliced someone, stolen, been mean, etc. Ultimately, we all have offended God and need to humbly ask for His forgiveness. When you do this sincerely, He will give you His Holy Spirit, Who will bring true healing and freedom from offences, as well as the power to handle your offenders, just like Jesus did.
If you are like me, where the Holy Spirit already dwells in you, the power of God is accessible to readily forgive and love your offender. The key is to submit to God. It doesn’t have to be a “process.” The faith of Jesus Christ is not about coping but overcoming.
When I decided to give all the hurt and pain to God, fear was no longer present.
God challenged me with questions: “If your family’s circumstances remain and your father never changes, will you choose to exercise the love that I installed in your nature?”
“Will you continue to act indifferent towards your father because of his actions?”
In that moment, I resolved to walk in my true nature of love towards my father and all who’d make themselves offenders.
Now, God is asking you today, “Will you love me by loving as I have called you to love?” My advice is: read 1 Corinthians 13:4–7 and open your heart to God. Allow Him to make said scripture 100 percent true in your life.
The writer’s identity has been withheld to protect family members mentioned in this testimony.
