Marcia Skervin, writer, advocate, civic group activist, and motivational speaker, has her hands full, but she still finds time to engage in and impact two meaningful ministries: the founder of the Ronald Irving Foundation and the director of Connect Your Dots.
Skirving, who is not afraid to tackle uncomfortable topics, is also committed to ensuring women change the script of their lives to a more positive one.
No stranger to life’s disappointments and hurt, she opened up during a special session of Rev. Marie Berbick’s weekly Tuesday night Zoom meeting, titled Breaking Unhealthy Relationship Cycles.
Skervin, who celebrated her 50th birthday recently, took time to reflect on the journey that saw her being married, divorced, then almost married, and having it called off days before the wedding.
“Every time I talk about my story, sometimes the story is so large that even when you talk about it, you have to ask yourself: Did this really happen? Is this really you? Did I survive this?” she shared.
She was married at age 21. It took her almost 20 years to recognise that she was in a cycle and that things were reoccurring that saw her not living her best life.
“The relationship that I was in almost cost me my life, almost cost me my sanity, and for that particular purpose, I really am happy I get to share, because a lot of the time we take on a lot of what God didn’t design for us and we make choices based on our self and flesh, and we end up paying for it,” she stated.
Recalling how she went into the marriage filled with dreams of staying together and lifelong happiness, she noted that she got to the point of being broke financially and spiritually in a domestic abuse situation, with people moving everything out of her house, leaving her with nothing. However, like Glacia Robinson, she can now sing “I’m a Survivor!”
Cautioning women on the platform, she warned that some men come into your space with different agendas, including an agenda to break your spirit. Reminding them that they are an assignment from God, she told them not to give dream stealers space.
During her tumultuous journey, she almost lost her child in a custody battle. There was a court case, not just with one partner, but with the other as well. At the time, she was also dealing with a fight with cancer (2018).
In between chemotherapy, she had to make time for court appearances.
She recalled a friend even encouraging her to “go to St. Thomas for a wash off,” as she told her no normal person could be facing what she was going through.
Day after day, the enemy threw darts at her.
“When I got the lashing, I remember somebody calling me to tell me that they saw my name on Facebook. They wrote up your name on Facebook disparagingly. Let me tell you, I went through shame, a guh through disgrace, a guh through everything in the book, but I did not know I was being set up for something,” she shared.
Stressing that when you are being set up for something, it is not easy and is painful. She recalls that during her moment of “going through,” she felt like giving up and like she had had enough.
“I remember being in the middle of the road one day, and I just started to cry. I was like, “How can one person endure this particular journey?” A bruck, I don’t have any money, [and] I’m paying lawyer. I had to reach out to a friend overseas and beg them to send some money,” she reported on her valley moment.
“To get out of it, I had to bawl out,” she noted, outlining that in sharing her story, she sometimes left layers of the story out.
Opening up, she revealed that when her partner left the relationship, he took everything out of the house. It was so empty, she said, she could hear the echo.
She had to restart from scratch by crying out to God and shedding her pain on him.
“I just accepted where I was and asked God to have His divine way; no longer would I be the one to tell God how to operate. He said He knew me when I was in my mother’s womb, so everything I was going through, he already knew,” she reasoned.
Skervin also had to learn to forgive and to let go, and for her, that meant not playing the blame game or being angry with the other person and being upset in your heart.
“You are no longer upset in your heart that every day you want to see them drop dead for what they did to you. Come on now, let’s talk real, because they hurt you, and in that hurt, you hold on to that hurt and pain,” she shared.
Being fabulous and 50, Skervin’s encouragement is for women not to be afraid to walk alone or to wait for someone who suits them.
Filled with knowledge of the value she now brings and what she is expecting, her whole mindset has changed, as has her circle of friendship, as she aligns herself with good, godly people who can support and encourage her.
In closing, she had words of advice for singles on the platform, saying they should be careful in making their choice for a lifelong partner.
“Go back to the word of God. Read what God has for you because when He says He has something for you, He’s not a man that He should lie, and what this journey tells us, when we’re choosing and we’re not choosing with God, is that we had to go back and really honour God and believe God that He can do what He said that He will do.”
