By Ifeoluwa Alonge
On Monday, August 28, 2023, I accompanied my parents to the first day of a 3-day celebration to commemorate two years since the founding of the Charis Café. Charis Café is a lovely place where you can eat, read, and pray. Aside from their delicious meals, they offer a cool escape from the heat where patrons can listen to gospel music and unwind.
The company was founded two years ago by Rajiv and Peta-Gaye Rowe. Mrs. Rowe, affectionately called “Auntie Peta” by her listeners, is the voice behind “Kingdom Boys and Girls” on TBC Radio, aired every afternoon except Sundays at 3 p.m. and at 4 p.m. on Saturdays.
SURPRISE! SURPRISE!
When I accompanied my parents to this event, I was not expecting what I encountered. I thought it was going to be just a simple get-together to toast the establishment of Charis Café. However, when I walked in, I was greeted with the sight of married couples sitting together, smiling, and looking all starry-eyed.
As a lovey-dovey icebreaker, each couple had to take turns telling their love story, one word at a time, and in one minute. You should try it; it was hilarious. Here is an example: “We…met…at…Church…went…to…Devon House…ate…”
As the night progressed, the couples (and myself, lol) were addressed by Pastors Nigel and Nicole Holness.
MARRIAGE ADVICE
The Holnesses spoke on a number of topics related to marriage. Speaking specifically to the pastors in the room, they said that you cannot counsel and preach to others when your children are in crisis or your house is out of order. They also fielded a number of questions, one of which was: “What do you do if one spouse is more forgiving than the other spouse? My father’s take on the matter was that, as Christians, it should not even be a problem to forgive.
GENERATIONAL TRAUMA CAN FILTER INTO YOUR MARRIAGE!
The Holnesses also mentioned that what you pick up from your parents can filter into your marriage. They used this example: Your father was a drunkard and was abusive towards your mother. He would also leave the house after hurting your mother, and you detested his behaviour. Despite this, when you marry and are confronted with a heated argument, you may also resort to hitting, slapping, or abusing your spouse due to the generational trauma passed on to you.
MY VIEWS ON MARRIAGE
Just like Pastor Nicole Holness said, since the 1970s and 1980s, there has been an increase in the age at which people marry and a decrease in how long those marriages last. I think it is quite unfortunate that marriages are suffering in this way, despite the far better economic and social conditions of today compared to the oil crisis of the 70s and inflation of the early 80s.
Many people marry with the idea that divorce is a “back door” or an easy way out. Having children is no longer seen as a blessing or an aspiration but more of a burden, to which people ascribe costs as they calculate how much money that baby will cost them.
Ninety percent of the world’s population live in a country with declining marriage rates. I think that this is very unfortunate, as it also has implications for the functioning of families. My generation may be the last one to have a majority of children living with married parents (United States statistics).
All of this being said, I do hope to be married one day, and most of my peers do, too. However, some are not too excited about having children, but maybe that’s because they are afraid of changing diapers!
LET NOT THE SUN GO DOWN ON YOUR WRATH!
Mr. and Mrs. Holness also adjured couples not to allow the day to end with them being mad at each other. Even if the conflict is not resolved at the end of the day, you must make peace with your spouse and address the issue when the sun rises again.
Most noteworthy was this bit of advice from the teaching couple: “Even in times of disagreement, couples should not neglect prayer or devotion due to anger from a previous quarrel.” Ephesians 4:6 states, “Be angry and sin not, let not the sun go down on your wrath.” This tip really resonated with me, and I hope to apply it to my own marriage in the future.
After the last question was addressed, all of the people present held hands and prayed. There was a prayer for marriages, relationships, and families. There were also prayers for the owners of Charis Café.
As I scanned the room, observing the different blends of couples, I felt very blessed to have been there, receiving information on the way a healthy, Bible-based marriage should look. For the older couples, I could see them as they were when they were just starting out life, and it warmed my heart to know that, through “sickness and health,” they were still standing strong.
We were all strong enough, too, to partake in the lovely refreshments provided by Charis Café.
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Contact Ifeoluwa at [email protected]. He is 14 years old and has been writing for FC Rain since he was age 11.
