Natalie and Mark Mattocks found love, lost love, and recaptured it, and today, they have been using life’s lessons to strengthen and make sure of their future. Speaking as one of the blessed few who didn’t lose the love of a lifetime, Natalie shared some invaluable insights.
Pointing out that couples should learn how to resolve conflicts and understand that disagreement is part of every relationship, she stressed that it is how you view disagreements that matters. Natalie added that it can be very good to unravel underlying issues so they do not allow things to fester.
An important tip she notes is to choose wisely with whom you share your issues. She advises that you find a safe space with someone who you know is married, spiritual, and has experience.
“Someone who can give you good advice and has both of your interests at heart,” she explained.
“Do not sit and tear down your spouse with your family or friends, who may only have your interest in mind.” Sometimes, your family and friends may mean well and want the best for you, so if you convey injustice or ill-treatment, they will want to take your side. Sometimes, your family members do not know what frame of mind you are in, so they say something, and that’s what you want to hear to say, “Yes, I have support, and walk away,” she pointed out.
Natalie and Mark have been married for 17 years. They saw their marriage crumble and end in divorce in 2018 after two years of separation. However, with the love fire still burning, the two found their way back to each other and remarried in 2019.
The second time around, Natalie shared that their union is less stressful. They are more focused and less distracted as they do not want to find themselves in a similar situation.
“I feel more satisfied within myself, more fulfilled, knowing that my husband loves me. As for my husband, he never doubted my love for him, but he knows that I am able to trust him more now. We are both paying more attention to what affects each other. We handle conflict differently,” she highlighted.
All of Natalie’s life’s lessons and more are captured on a podcast she co-founded with Bishop Donald McFarlane.
Although engaged in separate activities, Natalie and her husband both share the same passion for impacting lives. Natalie, a public health professional, focuses on an NGO that she co-founded and for which she received the Governor General Achievement Award in 2021 for her leadership and service. Mark, on the other hand, is focused on his business. Very active church members, they also invest time in building their real estate portfolio together.
From his vantage point, Mark offers advice to husbands on ensuring they love, cherish, and protect their marriage.
He encourages them to show appreciation for each other’s efforts and contributions, as well as make their spouse feel appreciated and loved.
Communication, he noted, is key. He stressed not to ‘shut down’ for too long, but instead, address issues when they arise.
“Let your spouse express herself. Understand that females are the weaker sex and are often more emotional than us. Listen to your wife! Seek help when you are going through very difficult times, if needed. Someone else may be able to give you a perspective that you did not see,” he pointed out.
Zoning in on Christian husbands, Mark asserted that they should share their role as leaders and heads of the household. He noted that being the head means that you must support and protect your wife, prioritising wife and family.
“You have to love your wife as Christ loves the church. As leaders, we also have to remember that a relationship is a partnership. When making decisions, it is important to consult your spouse. You have to ensure that you work together. For example, assist with household chores and do not leave all the stress on your wife because you are the man,” he continued.
With their positive mindsets, the union does not come without its share of disagreements, but the couple has a formula for handling them. Natalie shared that in the first phase of their marriage, Mark handled conflict by walking away or avoiding a discussion for a while. Then, when he felt comfortable, he might want to speak. In this second phase, he has not changed totally. Although he no longer walks away, he just keeps quiet.
Her husband, commenting on his wife’s response to disagreements, responded, “Natalie, on the other hand, usually wants to confront issues and tends to raise her voice. Now, she still wants to confront and deal with issues, but she has been way calmer,” he said, revealing how mature they are now in dealing with disagreement.
If they both should credit the ‘glue’ keeping their union, the Mattocks said “it is their spirituality, intimacy, and shared interests.”
There are many happy moments in their union, but for them, the best part is knowing that they are each other’s best friends and genuinely have each other’s backs.
It is also a great feeling knowing they can depend on each other for support during their downtimes and partner in achieving their life’s goals together.