Hey! What are your plans for this summer? Let me give you a tip…whatever you do, stay away from “summer love.” It’s not God’s best for you… grab hold of and never let go of His love, which goes beyond seasons, is everlasting, and absolutely fulfilling! How do I know? I’m glad you asked! Let me tell you my story…
Growing up, I was one of those girls who always said I would wait until marriage to lose my virginity, but regrettably, that was not the case. I got baptised in a small church at the age of 14, and man was I on fire for the Lord! I loved God, and I loved going to church…until my third year of high school… I attended a prominent girls school in Kingston, Jamaica!
Then everything changed. Though I still attended church, I found a greater love – boys. I had gained the friendship of some pretty cool girls in my class, and they either had boyfriends or were always talking about some guy. This influenced me to the point that I too officially got a boyfriend that year. Needless to say, things seemingly went well only for a few months. I was so in love with this guy (or so I thought), but after three months, he broke up with me, and things took a turn for the worse. Having my first breakup at 15 years old was devastating!
THE THIRST
Yes, this is where ‘The Thirst’ began, and I started searching for someone or something to fill the huge black hole where my heart was. I read and was seriously addicted to romance novels, romantic movies, love songs, and the like. It became easy to flirt with every guy that came my way once they were “up to my standard.” So, between fourth and fifth form, I was in and out of “relationships” or had more “friends with benefits” than I could count. I wanted love and to be loved – just like in the movies and songs. In hindsight, I realise that I was more in love with the idea of being in love.
By the end of my fifth year, I had been hurt by and caused hurt to so many guys that I simply stopped caring. I remember clearly saying to myself during the summer that followed my exams, “I am tired of being a good girl. This summer I am going to have fun!” Believe it or not, I was still going to church but was inconsistent both in attendance and in my commitment to God. At this point, however, I was done with church; I just wanted “fun.” I started hanging out with the girls and guys in my community. We would play around, go to parties – the works. Then I met him – Mr Very Handsome and Super Cool – and I fell in love! Or did I?
LOVE OR LUST?
We became friends, and at first it was cool, but after a while, I wanted more – the way he would touch me, the way he made me feel. Never mind that I was aware he had two other girlfriends already; I did not care; I wanted him.
I had slowly stopped believing in love. “Maybe it wasn’t meant for everybody,” I thought. Here is a guy who wanted me, and I wasn’t going to let him pass me by. Deep down I knew it was wrong. The Bible said it clearly. But I closed my eyes and gave that boy the very best of me. Lust does that.
Fast forward to the end of summer break; school resumed, and I entered lower sixth form. I wanted to go back to church and make things right with God again, but I knew there was no way this could happen while living a wayward lifestyle, so I ended our relationship.
This time, when I returned to church, something was different. It was hard to focus. I missed sex and everything related to it. My lust consumed me so much that I started looking for ways to relieve it. Now I was going from guy to guy – literally leaving a date with one guy and going into bed with another. Promiscuous was my name; forget the “Christian” label I was only donning at convenience. I was out of control, and I couldn’t stop myself no matter how hard I tried. There were nights I would cry because I feared God would righteously judge me with death and condemn me to hell, so I would pray and beg for forgiveness.
To add insult to injury, these sexual encounters left me broken because when I thought the guy would love me, he stopped talking to me right after he got what he wanted. I performed poorly that school year because my mind was consumed with so many other things.
Where was my family in all of this? They were there, but we never had a good relationship. All the bottled-up hurt caused me to explode on them all the time. I couldn’t stand my mother. My father was out of the picture. My church didn’t have a clue what was going on. Many there saw me as being “so holy” because I was involved in numerous ministries. Nevertheless, I felt alone, hurting, and hopeless.
FROM BROKEN TO BREAKTHROUGH
Most of my time was spent crying. I hated myself, my family, and my life. I was tired of running around with guys who didn’t care about me, tired of not feeling good enough and confused. It felt like no one loved or would ever care, and it made me suicidal.
I had just completed lower sixth form; it was summer again, and I lay on my bed crying out to God this time. I told Him I needed Him and that if He had a plan for me, then He needed to come and help me. At this point I would have given in to the suicidal thoughts, but God stepped in and everything changed. I got my breakthrough right there on my bed.
I rose up with confidence that something was different. The brokenness, hurt, and pain I felt were replaced with happiness, wholeness, and, for the first time, real love. Even my thoughts and emotions changed. After a while I realised I didn’t struggle with lust any more. I was truly healed and free! I now had power to change, and so I stopped ingesting all those secular love songs, books, and movies. I also stopped hanging out with those who negatively influenced me; I had no desire to anyway.
My transformation even resulted in me loving and being reconciled with my family. At school, I returned to the ISCF (Inter-School Christian Fellowship) and Passion and Purity school clubs, and my grades improved.
God, who is love, was literally inside of me, and living through me, making me pure and passionate as He is, and I have never looked back since.
YOU CAN DO IT TOO!
This summer (and always), love on Jesus! Whether you are male or female, let me encourage you that if your virginity is still intact, don’t go seeking to change that. Your purity is a precious gift from God, and it is not worth compromising. Find your worth in God alone.
If you messed up like I did, let this testimony remind you that God is faithful to forgive you if you truly repent. Embrace the grace that God is pouring out to turn from your sins today. You can stay true to your commitment to God and be steadfast even in sexual purity, despite the culture in which we live.
For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world. Titus 2:11-12
Monique Ferguson is a member of Passion and Purity, a school-based Christian ministry.