By Nicole Holness
History reveals that many cultures internationally have embraced this practice of placing a tangible symbol on each other to forge a covenant, or oath, or a promise, or a contract with persons involved. These symbols had various expressions, a ring or other trinket, a document, a sandal as with Boaz in the book of Ruth, and yet for others, the shedding of blood.
Yes, we see in Deuteronomy 22:15-17, the cloth taken from the bed of consummation was proof of a bride’s virginity. This was a material containing blood from the bride’s broken hymen, forging a blood covenant.
Similarly, the band of gold serves as a visible announcement to others of a non-verbal code of conduct which is universally understood as “do’s and don’ts” when approaching married persons.
NON-VERBAL UNDERSTANDING OF THE BAND OF GOLD
A man and a woman may profess their love for each other and decide to get married by mutual consent. Yet, in some cultures, there are arranged marriages. We remember Isaac and Rebekah. Eliezar was sent to Mesopotamia to seek out in Abraham’s home-land, a wife suitable for Isaac.
Genesis 24: 1-4 KJV
And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age: and the LORD had blessed Abraham in all things. And Abraham said unto his eldest servant of his house, that ruled over all that he had, Put, I pray thee, thy hand under my thigh: And I will make thee swear by the LORD, the God of heaven, and the God of the earth, that thou shalt not take a wife unto my son of the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I dwell: But thou shalt go unto my country, and to my kindred, and take a wife unto my son Isaac.
On locating a suitable maiden, Eliezar put a bracelet on her hand and earrings in her ears, and asked her family if he could take her to his master to be his son’s wife.
Thinking back on this, neither Isaac nor Rebekah had previously met each other. However, on meeting Rebekah, Eliezar, trusting that she was God’s choice, gave her gifts symbolic of the wealth he represented.
– A bracelet on her hand
– An earring on her face
A Kingdom Marriage is a covenant entered into by a man and a woman in love with each other, committing and endearing to journey life’s path together with God, through the Holy Spirit, at the helm. They come before the pastor at the altar of God and verbally confessing their love and agreeing to the vow as given, to establish the covenant between them.
Yes, Rebekah consented:
“And they called Rebekah, and said unto her, Wilt thou go with this man? And she said, I will go.” (Gen. 24:58 KJV)
In today’s ceremony, both parties confirm the covenant by saying ‘I DO’… followed by the exchange of their band of gold.
Adam said, “This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Gen. 2:23-24 KJV)
ONE FLESH
The exchange of this band of gold between two persons, now becoming one flesh, is witnessed by many well-wishers on the wedding day, at the beginning of a process that hopefully will last a lifetime.
This journey is somewhat like salvation – your spirit is instantly saved upon your confession, repentance and asking Jesus Christ to come into your heart. However, in the book of Philippians, Apostle Paul admonishes us to work out our salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in us both to will and to work His good pleasure.
Yes, similarly, we must work diligently at developing a great marriage.
The courtship and the wedding ceremony are really the easy part. It is on the journey to oneness where we experience unavoidable conflicts, grave misunderstandings and painful disagreements that makes that big, expensive band of gold to fade in the distance when confronted with trial, quarrels, tough decisions, etcetera. When the fusing of the two begins, the friction feels like ‘all hell has broken loose’ and the heat is real.
This covenant that begins with that beautiful, expensive, shiny band of gold and for some, accompanied by a glistening diamond engagement ring…is a lifetime commitment to “leave and cleave.”
I dare to give the analogy, likening this band of gold in the Christian understanding, of the “aul” that is used to pierce the ear of a slave who wholeheartedly decides to remain committed to his master after being given the option to be released. It is a symbol of honour and faithfulness of both the master and the bonded slave. It speaks of a good master who has treated well his servant.
RESPECTING BOUNDARY LINES
This band of gold should speak volumes. As the married couple upholds their commitment to each other exclusively, then others will respect it. There must be strict boundary lines established, informing onlookers that:
- I have already entered a covenant with another.
- I am unavailable for courting or to be courted by another.
- I already have a responsibility to my spouse to have and to hold.
- I can flirt ONLY with my spouse.
- I can entertain certain conversations ONLY with my spouse.
- I can have sexual relations and intimacy ONLY with my spouse.
- I can go as a couple on a vacation or overnight ONLY with my spouse.
- I look only at my spouse and NOT lustfully at any other. (I have made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl – Job 31:1). Pastor, this version is very clear. Do state which it is.
The work of Marriage begins when you put the band of gold on your finger:
- You have to communicate with your spouse daily.
- You have to serve each other daily.
- You should pray together daily.
- You should strive to resolve differences and disagreements daily.
- Speak your spouse’s love language (from Dr Gary Chapman – Book of the same name) daily.
- You should honour, respect, sacrifice, help, support etc, your spouse daily.
I do pray that all who qualify to wear this band of gold, whether or not they do, they will recognise that it requires much maturity, unselfishness, and responsibility. Constantly seeking the LORD to help you individually remain true to your vow in EVERY way, should be your DAILY prayer.
My prayer is that all who read this article will begin to look at the next band of gold on a person’s hand totally different. We must respect the institution of marriage as ordained by God.
Let thy fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. (Prov. 5:18 KJV)
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Nicole Holness is a pastoral counsellor. Contact her at holy4n@gmail.com