It’s a painful reality for many parents: You raised your children in the ways of the Lord, taught them to pray, took them to church every Sunday, and even sent them to youth camps. Yet now, as teens/young adults, they have little or no interest in church, and some may even question their faith altogether. It feels like watching them drift away from a life you worked so hard to build for them. You might ask yourself: Where did I go wrong? What more could I have done?
THE UNSPOKEN PAIN OF CHRISTIAN PARENTS
Let’s be honest, this situation hurts. It doesn’t just sting a little; it cuts deep, like an arrow to the heart. You feel a mix of emotions: grief, guilt, frustration, even anger. You wonder if you failed them somehow. Did you push too hard? Or not hard enough? The church sermons that once comforted you now remind you of what’s missing—your children beside you, worshiping God.
And let’s talk about the elephant in the room: the fear of judgment. Some parents suffer in silence because they’re afraid of what other church members might think.
What if they believe I didn’t raise them right?
But let’s clear the air: even the best, most God-fearing parents can have children who stray. Think of Adam and Eve, God Himself was their Father, yet they still disobeyed.
And Adam isn’t the only biblical example. Consider Samuel, one of Israel’s greatest prophets, a man who faithfully served God from childhood. Yet his sons, Joel and Abijah, “did not follow his ways. They turned aside after dishonest gain, accepted bribes and perverted justice.” (1 Samuel 8:3) Despite Samuel’s godliness, his children chose their own path.
Then there’s King David, a man after God’s own heart. Yet his son Absalom rebelled, trying to overthrow his own father’s kingdom (2 Samuel 15). David loved and wept over Absalom, but he couldn’t control his choices.
These stories remind us of a hard truth: You can give your children everything—love, guidance, prayer, wisdom, but they still have free will. Their choices are ultimately between them and God.
WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON WITH YOUNG ADULTS?
Before we get to the solutions, let’s explore why many young adults walk away from church:
- The Faith-Experience Gap – Some grew up in church but never encountered God for themselves. They went through the motions, but personal transformation never happened.
- Church Hurt or Hypocrisy – They’ve seen scandals, harsh church discipline, or Christians who act nothing like Christ. They’re turned off.
- Intellectual Doubts – Questions about science, suffering, or the Bible’s reliability go unanswered, making them sceptical.
- Culture’s Influence – The world bombards them with messages that contradict biblical truth, making faith seem outdated or irrelevant.
- Busyness and Independence – College, work, relationships—they’re caught up in the rush of adulthood and feel no need for God.
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
The temptation is to nag, guilt-trip, or force them back to church. But let’s be real—that often backfires. Here’s a more effective, Biblically-grounded approach:
1. Pray Like Never Before
Prayer is not a last resort; it’s the most powerful thing you can do. Storm heaven’s gates for your children! Declare Ezekiel 36:26 over them: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you.” Remember, God loves them more than you do.
2. Love Without Conditions
Your child needs to know that your love isn’t tied to their church attendance. Like the father of the prodigal son (Luke 15), keep your arms open. Welcome them without lectures. Let them see that your love is constant.
3. Live Your Faith, Don’t Just Preach It
Actions speak louder than words. Show them the joy, peace, and transformation Christ brings in your life. Let your faith be so vibrant that they can’t help but wonder: What does Mom/Dad have that I don’t have?
4. Listen Without Condemning
Sometimes, our children just need a safe space to voice their doubts and struggles. Resist the urge to “correct” them immediately. James 1:19 reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
5. Encourage Small Steps
Instead of demanding they come to church, start with baby steps. Send a thought-provoking sermon clip. Suggest reading an interesting Christian book together. Invite them to a church event without pressure. Remember that small seeds can grow into big trees.
6. Trust God’s Timing
Your child’s story isn’t over. Many who leave church return later in life. Keep believing. Isaiah 55:11 says God’s Word “will not return to me empty but will accomplish what I desire.” What you planted in them is still there, it just needs time to take root.
7. Build Bridges, Not Walls
If your child is involved in things you don’t approve of, avoid the instinct to sever ties. Jesus ate with sinners (Luke 5:30). He didn’t condone sin, but He didn’t cut people off either. Stay connected, so when they do need God, they know they can turn to you.
8. Find Support
You’re not alone in this. Find a community of other parents going through the same struggle. Share experiences, pray together, and encourage each other. Hebrews 10:25 reminds us not to give up meeting together, especially in tough times.
GOD IS ON YOUR SIDE
Parents, take heart. God is working behind the scenes, even when you don’t see it. Keep trusting, keep loving, and keep standing in faith. Because one day, your child might just surprise you with a call, a question about God, or even a seat beside you in church again.
And when that day comes, all the prayers, tears, and unwavering faith will have been worth it.
Grace-Anna Baugh-Osbourne has been a devoted Christian for over 25 years. A wife and mother, she is also a Jamaican educator, pastor, counselor, and mentor with a passion for empowering others.
