I have always been aware of mental health issues, it was something you know but without it directly impacting you, then you have no idea how challenging it can be.
Which was why when my family had to deal with it, I was totally unprepared. My brother Cecil (Clive as many called him) could hold a good conversation and maybe that’s why the early stages of mental health went undetected.
The person dealing with mental health is not alone as it ripples outward, affecting relationships, family dynamics, and sometimes shattering the very bonds that hold families together.
Today, I want to talk about those struggles—the emotional, mental, and even physical toll they take on families. And I also want to acknowledge the regrets that many of us carry from the way we handled these situations when we didn’t fully understand them.
I ran the whole gamut of emotions trying to deal with my brother’s condition which was diagnosed as schizophrenia. I couldn’t understand why he was resistant to taking his medications which would make him well.
I felt frustrated and expressed it sometimes to my other siblings and his children. But I forgot one key thing – he was frustrated too, and in his mind, he thought he was the one being victimised.
There is no handbook for dealing with mental health in the family and the reality is that siblings or relatives can get frustrated when they don’t understand why their brother or sister is “acting out” and end up feeling helpless, unable to alleviate their suffering.
What makes mental health struggles even more complicated is that, often, they are invisible. Unlike a broken arm or a high fever, we can’t see depression, anxiety, or trauma. And because we can’t always see it, we sometimes don’t treat it with the same urgency. We might dismiss early warning signs as mood swings or stress, thinking they’ll pass with time.
This misunderstanding leads to one of the greatest sources of regret for many families: the feeling that they should have done more, sooner. Perhaps there were times we ignored a loved one’s cry for help because we didn’t understand the severity of their pain. Or maybe we thought that we could “fix” them on our own by telling them to be more positive or stronger.
I must admit that since my brother’s death in July, I have had days where I wished I was more patient, handled it differently, been more understanding and that is something that gives no second chances to correct.
My wish today is that we develop a community where families dealing with this have a support system. Sure the government advertise helpline, but on a community level support is more essential.
It is time to take this issue from out the closet, there is no shame in having a loved one struggling with mental health issues, so, where do we go from here? How do we, as families, learn from the mistakes we’ve made in handling mental health struggles?
First, we must forgive ourselves. Families are often ill-prepared to navigate the complexities of mental illness, and we do the best we can with the knowledge and resources available to us at the time. Mistakes will happen. But instead of allowing regret to fester, let it guide us toward compassion, understanding, and growth.
We need to educate ourselves, to seek help when necessary, and to create an environment where mental health is not a taboo subject, but something we talk about openly and honestly. Encourage your loved ones to speak about their feelings without fear of judgment. And when they do, listen. Sometimes the most important thing you can offer is your presence, your support, and your unwavering love.
May we carry with us the commitment to be more patient with our loved ones and with ourselves, and to seek the kind of help that can truly make a difference. Because no one should have to struggle alone—not the person who is suffering, and not the family that loves them.
I am,
Cecelia Campbell-Livingston
