Zechariah, and Elizabeth were both good people who pleased God. They did everything in the Lord’s commandments, always following His instruction completely. But they had no children. Elizabeth could not have a baby, and both of them were very old.
When he saw the angel, Zechariah was upset and very afraid. But the angel said to him, ‘Zechariah don’t be afraid your prayer has been heard by God. Your wife Elizabeth will give birth to a baby boy, and you will name him John.” Luke 1: 6 and 12 (NIV)
Miracles happen when two agree in prayer. Let’s think about the spiritual alignment of a marriage between a man and a woman:
- Marriage is a parallel between Jesus Christ, the Groom and the Church, the bride.
- The groom is the priest and the head of his household, the gatekeeper, protector, and king over his territory.
- The bride is the helpmate and homemaker for the children in the family. The Church represents Christ’s bride on earth, called to take dominion and rule over.
EARTHLY MARRIAGE MIRRORS CHRIST AND THE CHURCH
This is why the groom and the bride must be in constant communication for this engine of marriage to journey fruitfully and represent Christ on earth wherever it goes. A marriage must look like that which it replicates—it is an image of Christ and the Church.
The more I examine marriage God’s way, the more I realise why so many marriages fail in Christendom—we are not following the blueprint God has given us. I am not even going to mention the secular unions in this instant. However, marriage God’s way causes many, upon examination of the Word, to recoil because it is just not what is happening in our families and homes as we know it today.
We must return to God’s ways to see our families flourish.
Marriages were always tainted with secular world views from the first marriage in Genesis, in the Garden when the serpent introduced the lie to Eve to get her to explore what God did not permit. This has been an open door to errors ever since. The serpent told Eve in Genesis 3 that ‘You will not surely die, for God knows when you eat, your eyes will be opened, knowing good and evil.’
PRAYING AND READING THE WORD TOGETHER
Husband and wife praying together is given “a side eye” when it’s recommended as a partial solution to marital issues.
‘Begin to attack the problems with praying and committing the issues to God together’ is common advice given, but some consider this worse than telling a couple to begin counselling together (that’s the next recoil moment, research shows, especially for husbands!) As a pastoral counsellor for
some nine years now, I’ve seen this myself.
But, believe it or not, the main reason for the reaction is due to pride…yes, pride! Couples do intimacy with each other extremely well, but they are very awkward when praying together; no intimacy with God exists.
Note that in our opening scripture, Zechariah was in the right place to hear from God as it related to an issue affecting both he and his wife Elizabeth. They no doubt prayed about what he had heard. But many of our men today are out of position and not in the place of prayer to hear from God. There is a heavy reliance on the wife to seek God on matters relating to their marriage and family, but it really is incumbent upon our men to arise in their priestly position and authority in the home and society.
There are instances, too, where wives usurp the authority of the husband in the home because of their natural gift of expression, taking the lead and shutting down a husband who struggles to express himself fluently in prayer. However, our role is to encourage and support our husbands, cheering them on as they execute their priestly responsibilities.
What we often see instead of united prayer together is competition, judgement, and harsh criticism of each other:
- Who prays better?
- It appears one is always boasting of his/her ability to pray.
- Who prays too long?
- Who tries to degrade the other before God?
- Doesn’t appreciate the openness with God, this makes them uncomfortable.
- A run for favouritism; he/she articulates better, hence feelings of intimidation in the other;
- It’s just plain uncomfortable to pray with my spouse.
- No cohesion, I can’t express myself as much in my spouse’s presence.
I’ve heard a myriad of reasons couples are reluctant to pray together, and they sound plausible, but at the base of it is pure, raw pride rooted in a divisive plot by the devil to destroy peace and harmony within the marriage and home.
This pride is seen on both sides of the table. It is rooted in
a lack of trust in God to fix whatever problem may be in the next person as they pray together, or for God to turn up and intervene, turning things around for good.
However, be assured that God is able to break every wrong disposition and unGodly stand you deem is operating in your marriage as you commit to prayer. We must first understand that no one is perfect and that both man and woman are coming into the marriage with flaws and annoying behaviours.
For a couple, praying together must also include reading the Word of God and discussing its truth together. Couples must be open to correction from the Word of God and each other. Correction is never pleasant to receive, but if we humbly consider the criticism made and honestly evaluate ourselves, we often will see our faults, and by the grace of God, change can happen over time as we work at it.
Know this my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. James 1:19-20 (NIV)
DIG IN IF YOU’VE STARTED; START IF YOU HAVEN’T
Praying together as a couple is not a replacement for praying to God as an individual, as each person must have and maintain their personal devotion times—just you and God, daily.
Devotions together as a family are also critical, as this is where we dispense the Word of God to our children and teach them about the Christian walk.
Let me quickly assure all reading this article that it is never too late to start meeting with God in prayer with your spouse and family. Even with adult children who were not inculcated in this practice, we can begin to encourage them by opening the Word over a meal or as you travel to a venue together. Being deliberate in sharing quick nuggets of truth and a prayer can go a long way.
It is as we commune with Christ Jesus continually as a couple and family on this journey together that we will become like the church without spot or wrinkle. God can and will calm all our fears in our marriage, as almost every unGodly stand in man is rooted in a fear of some sort.
I was speaking with a wife, a woman of God, recently, as she wanted me to intervene in a troubled marriage of three years, a colleague of hers whose marriage had hit a snag. I shared with her that the first 5-8 years of a marriage can be the most tumultuous season. She commented that for her and her husband, it was the first year that was like a war zone, “but then we decided to pray about the issues, and things began to get better.”
Eureka! They found the answer!
A couple that prayers together, will stay together and is empowered by God to manage in a humble, less destructive manner whatever confronts them in the marriage and family, and by extension, in their lives.
Do not be anxious (fearful) about anything, but in every situation, BY PRAYER AND PETITION, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God that transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7 (NIV)
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Nicole Holness is a pastoral counsellor. Contact her at freedomcomerain@gmail.com