By Stephanie Parkes
Despite God’s track record of being intentional and unfailing in my life, I used to be quite a worrier. I knew that God had my best interests at heart, yet I failed to trust Him completely. Why was worry my first response? After an honest introspection, I realized that I simply did not trust God. How did I come to this conclusion? Well, God designed a trial that revealed this to me.
First, let me extend my congratulations to all those university students gearing up for graduation 2023.
November is traditionally graduation season for Jamaica’s two main universities: the University of Technology, Jamaica (my alma mater), and the University of the West Indies, Mona Campus. UTECH’s graduation is November 17 and 18 this year, and UWI’s was on November 3 and 4 (for some three thousand five hundred students).
According to the President of UTECH, Dr. Kevin Brown, in his address to the 2023 Graduating Class, “less than 15% of Jamaicans have the privilege of attaining tertiary education, and this life-changing accomplishment is a huge step towards [their] future.” (www.utech.edu.jm/academics/ graduation/message-from-president)
Many graduands would say, “It’s one huge nervous step,” as the period just before graduation can be very disheartening, especially when you’ve worked hard to earn your degree and it seems like no employer is willing to take a chance on you. This was my reality, as my efforts to send out numerous applications were futile. Regrettably, instead of trusting God, I yielded to discouragement, which snowballed into self-pity and depression.
While continuing to wallow in this misery, I was offered a receptionist position (before graduation), but I was not interested as it was not related to my field of study. Nevertheless, I accepted because an inner voice (the Holy Spirit) compelled me to, and so I worked diligently without complaint.
A GREAT OPPORTUNITY, BUT IS IT GOD’S WILL?
Within two weeks of said employment, I received a call from a company where I had interned just before completing my studies. They offered me a temporary position, and I was really excited since it was akin to my studies…but then…I had to wisely weigh my options. My receptionist job offered security, while this new post would only be for one month. Though a great opportunity was before me, I knew that it was not feasible, and more importantly, not the will and time of God for me to resign. I wanted to honour Him since he had placed me in this receptionist chair, yet there was conflict in my soul because I still wanted my way. Needless to say, I (grudgingly) turned down the new offer, resulting in absolute distress. I was distraught. I cried and asked God why this privilege couldn’t have come during that period of waiting at home. Thankfully, my lamenting ended with a surrender “LORD, let Your will be done.”
A few weeks passed, and I unassumingly posted my graduation picture online; it drew the attention of an employee of the same company where I had interned. They congratulated me and ‘pripsed’ (alerted) me to stay tuned as soon there would be an opening for the role of a production coordinator. In earnest anticipation, I kept checking all their platforms, but to no avail, so I rested.
Lo, in the midst of my contentment, the HR Manager contacted me with congratulations re graduating and requested a quick chat with me about my internship with the firm. Of course, I followed through, and to my delight, it wasn’t a quick chat. It was more like an interview for the same position I had previously declined, except it was now permanent. Within a couple of days, I received an offer for said job, and being guided by the peace of God, I accepted.
GOD’S ROUTE AND TIMING MAY SEEM OFF, BUT NOT TO HIM
In hindsight, I see God was testing not only my trust but also my level of obedience. At the time, I did not realise it, but He was examining my heart to see if I would be faithful and content with His means of provision. I lacked faith in God’s power and ability to work in my quest for employment, but He used that experience to point me to a bigger issue. In general, I did not trust His faithfulness, nor His route and timing for things pertaining to my life. Thankfully, once I cast all my worries at His feet and completely rested in Him, He granted me the desire of my heart according to His will and timing.
I have learned that trusting God means having a disposition of heart that readily and unconditionally accepts and obeys His word.
Didn’t God say He would never leave or forsake us? Didn’t He tell us not to worry about tomorrow?
These promises had to become real and personal in my experiences.
Indeed, His word is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. True purpose, direction, and fulfilment are revealed as we trust in God. We cannot say we trust Him without totally surrendering all our doubts and fears to Him. It is unreservedly relying on His strength and guidance in all things. In other words, if we are not trusting Him with our all, we aren’t trusting Him at all.
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